Apology for the lack of letters and a short break from writing

Hi A (and anyone else reading along)

So I missed two letters. The first I actually wrote. But it was very personal and about grief, home and the death of my grandparents. And I just couldn’t edit it. And I didn’t feel comfortable uploading that particular letter without editing it.

And the week after than depression struck again. It was never really gone. It never is. But it had taken a backseat for a while and suddenly it was just back, as powerful as ever. And even though I wanted to write about the depression, about people around me suggesting medication and how I feel about the conversations I had about that, I just couldn’t write anything. I couldn’t do anything for days (except cry). I even thought about going to the hospital to get admitted, but couldn’t find anyone who could go with me, and going on my own was too much.

Things are a bit calmer this week. But due to the severity of last week’s depressive episode I decided to take a few weeks off from writing letters to you. I’ll get back in two or three weeks. Not entirely sure yet. But I need to write and I need to be obligated to write. And that is what these letters are all about. In the mean time I’m going to spend some energy fighting to find some help to avoid getting this depressed again and a lot of energy taking care of myself. And as soon as those things leave me with energy to spare, I’ll prioritise writing these letters again.

I am thinking of you and hope that you are okay or at least as okay as you can be.

Looking forward to hearing from you